I can't believe I'm living out the last days of my twenties.
My how the time has flown.
I had many thoughts to share and now my mind is blank. It's so frustrating when that happens.
I am very lucky to have friends and family that love me and care so much about me. But yet, I still feel so lonely.
I decided to try the Tinder dating app again this past week out of pure boredom and curiosity.
I ended up going on a date with a guy Friday night who I met through that app.
I have my doubts I'll hear from him again.
It sucks to think that I'll be rejected once again, but somehow I feel relief at the thought of not having to try for a relationship again.
I really truly feel that I no longer have any desire to get married now. It's not like I'm getting close to that even being an option anyways. However, even if I was presented with someone who I felt was my best friend and I wanted to spend eternity with them...I'm not sure I would want to marry them.
It's just not worth it to me anymore.
I have seen too many bad things in this life thus far. Wow, I sound really radical here. I promise I'm being sincere. So many of my friends and family have struggled so much after having gotten married and started their own family.
I can barely handle my own life. I don't know who I am yet. (See previous post)
Before I went on that date I had a short thought of..."maybe I might actually get my first kiss before I turn 30."
Immediately I realized how not ready I was for that to actually happen. Fear flooded my veins. I am not ready to open up myself again. I cannot let myself be so vulnerable again. Mike took something from me. I'm not even sure what it was. He never touched me more than just a hug, but yet, I feel so violated by him.
I gave up too much of myself to him emotionally and he turned his back on me while secretly taking something of me with him.
It can't happen again.
So, I will be 30 years old on Wednesday.
And I still have never been kissed.
And it's ok.
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